I like to surround myself with crazy people, people who make me laugh by doing or saying inane things. Last night, my friend was expounding some of her more popular theories, all of which are entirely nonsensical but utterly risible. So here a few them of the top of my head that you (hopefully) find as absurd as I do.

Grand Theory Number 1: RAPPER 50 CENT IS IMPOTENT (Erectile Dysfunction)

Background: We’ve all seen voluptuous Black hotties ‘shakin that thang’ far too much in each and every video of his and most of his songs revolve around sex.

Reasoning: All his suppressed sexual desires and frustrations are manifested in the gyrating bodies he can never truly experience.

Truth: How the heck am I supposed to know?



Grand Theory Number 2: EXTREME *SCRAPPINESS IS ACTUALLY ATTRACTIVE (to certain people)

Background: Personal experience

Reasoning: When a person is really bad looking (we’re talking paper bag ugly), his looks don’t matter anymore and you can start appreciating his other qualities and ultimately end up being more attracted to him than you would have been if he was gorgeous to start with.

Truth: Hmm… there IS some truth to this. But not in this case.
*Scrap people are people who are not usually perceived as good looking.


There are many more colourful theories involving yeast, oil and follicles that I would love to elaborate on but she’ll kill me if I reveal these more sordid products of her “genius”